The Dream

 

You have to know this short story to understand the impact of this dream on me.

It was about 1 AM, October 5, 2010 when my darling wife, Frances, passed away.  Nancy, Frances’ sister, had come to help me help me during the difficult final days.  She was like an angel from heaven for me.  That night when I heard Frances struggling to breathe I awakened Nancy and brought her into our bedroom.  Nancy entered singing.  I joined her and all heaven came down.  Frances was trying to speak, but her voice was so weak I could not understand her.  Nancy and I leaned over her face and asked her to repeat because we could not understand.  Finally just as she was about to depart from this world, we were able to understand her faint last words… “I love you!”  I was so emotionally involved at this moment that I think I failed to respond with an expression of my love for her.  It is not that we both had not reconfirmed our love for each other many times that last week.  It was just that I felt bad that I had not had the presence of mind to respond with an expression of my love for her just before she stepped off this planet.  I have felt badly about this each time I thought of it now for almost two years.  But this morning at 5 AM I had an unusual dream.

Even as I write this I get chills all over my body and tears come flowing.  I was in Argentina leading my brother, Mel, (recently deceased) through a small crowd of people.  Mel had stopped to talk to someone in the crowd.  I was surprised to see that he had found someone who spoke English.  Then he left them and started through the group of people toward me.  Then I saw her! 

My darling Frances was standing now there among those people, talking with them.  I yelled her name, but she didn’t seem to hear me and turned to walk away from them and away from me.  I called her again and ran through the small crowd of people toward her.  Standing alone now and away from the crowd, she heard me, stopped and turned around to face me.  I ran to her and, thinking she might not be real, I yelled, “Let me touch you!”  She held out both hands toward me and I took her hands and they were real.  I felt them!  And I pull her into my arms.  Her hair was beautiful, just like before the chemotherapy.  It brushed against my face.  Then the words burst from my heart.  I simply said, “I love you!”  She did not speak, but I felt her firmly in my arms!  Then in a moment as I held her she faded away… and my arms were left empty. 

I awoke, but my heart was not empty.  It was filled with the joy of holding my Frances once again in my arms.  My eyes, even before I was fully awake, were literally flooded with tears… tears of joy mingled with the sorrow for the distance between us.  And as I write this I can still feel that wonderful joy and that strange sadness… and, yes, the tears are still flowing. 

Yeah!  Tell me about it. I am a mess, but a joyful mess… because if only in a dream… this morning I saw my Frances again, held her in my arms and was able to tell her that I loved her. 


Ralph